As a junior woman lawyer, the thought of inviting and hosting a male client alone for lunch seemed weird. Not unsafe, but awkward.
Especially if we had never met in person.
Weirder still if our age difference might cause raised eyebrows when seen lunching together in public.
Sometimes it seemed so weird that I didn’t bother to try. For sure there are relationships I could have built faster and stronger by getting past this discomfort.
Don’t get me wrong – I have never had a lunch guest make an advance or make me feel unsafe. Never. Ever. But this week, as I enjoyed an extraordinary conversation over lunch with a contact I had never met in person before, I realized how far I have come.
Here are some tips for women professionals to fast-track your 1-to-1 lunch skills with unfamiliar men:
(Part 1 of a 2-part series)
Location Location Location
1. Avoid the “romantic vibe”. Go for well lit, busy, and familiar. I provide 2 or 3 options for my guest to choose from; I make the short list and the reservation.
2. Choose places that accommodate dietary restrictions. Guests often identify restrictions or preferences in advance, but always better to expect the unexpected.
3. If you have dietary restrictions, ensure there are options available for others who do not. A first in-person meeting is no time to expect someone to go vegan (for example) without complaint.
4. Frequent the same place enough that the staff recognize you and learn your name. I love when a hostess recognizes and welcomes me as if we are old friends! This familiarity puts you in charge, and provides a sense of safety that someone is looking out for you.
Greeting
1. It is proper to stand up to shake hands. Stand and put your hand out to signal the greeting you prefer (in case they go in for an unwanted hug).
2. If you prefer not to shake hands or your chair is awkward to get in and out if, say hello and signal with your hand for them to have a seat across from you.
Be a good host
1. Be prepared to make menu recommendations. Some guests wonder what you are willing to pay for, so don’t rave about the steak and lobster and the exotic wine by the bottle unless you plan to pay for it and stay for it! I mention 2 or 3 things that I enjoy, and what I intend to order.
2. Arrive early. Tell the server you will be paying, so there is no debate or sexist comments later. (“Oh, let me treat you, dear.”) If you were not the first to arrive, then when the waiter asks, speak up promptly: “One bill, please. I will take it.”
3. You do not need to follow the old adage “ladies first”. If you are not prepared to have alcohol at lunch, then order your drink first. If you are willing to partake of alcohol if your guest does, then invite them to order whatever they would like first and follow suit.
